I stopped looking for the light. Decided to become it instead.
do you ever just realize
i really fucking love the lord of the rings
How do we forgive ourselves for all of the things we did not become?
Any violation of a woman’s body can become sex for men; this is the essential truth of pornography.
The gods envy us. They envy us because we’re mortal, because any moment may be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we’re doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again.
A woman is more than the sum of her parts.
Then I heard you call me from across the room,
and for a moment I didn’t recognize my name in your mouth.
I got the same feeling I did when a supply teacher would call my name for attendance.
I would legitimately not know the name she was calling was mine.
Those few moments before it registers, and you think of the name dressed in someone elses skin,
until you realize it was said in your direction,
and everyone looks at you like you’re the difficult one.
Like you should have understood and responded,
like its your fault for having such a difficult name.
Like your mother should have chosen your name out of baby book instead of out of the sky
Normally when people say my name it sounds like back home.
I can almost smell the red clay sand and okra grilling.
But this time,
it smelt like an airport detainee room,
like the deportee seat on an airplane,
like coast guards, slave work and organic fruits and vegetables.
It smelt like refugee camps and civil war.
And I saw you for a moment with such clarity.
You didn’t say my name with the depth it deserved,
and the apology that it needed to sound familiar.
You said it like there was a unpaid debt there.
Like Liberia and Sudan still don’t bleed
like St.Vincent hasn’t been selling itself for tourism,
Like Mi’kmaq first nations people still aren’t pulling pins from their tongues trying to learn their own language.
I tried to make you repeat it,
I thought maybe you forgot who I was for a moment.
Maybe in this crowded room you lost yourself between the tequila stained ikea couches and the door.
But you called my name again,
this time your mouth dug a flag into it,
you claimed it, like your people claimed the moon, mispronounced it and washed it in bleach.
You turned it into an anglophone jungle gym,
and spat it out.
Then you smiled slyly and said
“I’ll never get it right”
Like there was ever a choice.
she says she cries over me on the train to and from work and one day it will be better but it isn’t better now. she is just like my mother, but alive. knows how to love
something about the way black women hold your heart. you can leave them all you like but you cant stay gone.
two people who were once very close can
or grand betrayal
perhaps this is the saddest thing in the world.